How can you build a sense of belonging, support, and stability from within, especially when these weren’t passed down from generation to generation?
A relationship is a place where everything is re-examined: trust, boundaries, reciprocity. But without an internal backbone, the connection is forced to carry what doesn’t belong to it.
The couples therapy I offer looks precisely at this point: how not to bring what we didn’t receive into the relationship, and how to build within ourselves an emotional backbone that allows for love that isn’t dependent on fixing.
When there was no one to contain you in childhood, you may, in adulthood, become the other person’s “whole world” within the romantic relationship: friend, parent, support, anchor, mirror.
As close and intimate as it is, it’s also very suffocating.
Very quickly, one of you feels like they’ve disappeared, and the other feels alone even when they’re in a couple.
The key to change lies in understanding that autonomy in a relationship is not the opposite of intimacy—it’s a condition for it.
Only when each of you maintains your unique voice can a beneficial harmony be created in the relationship.
Hila and Yossi (pseudonyms) came to me for treatment tired of the ongoing effort to be everything for each other. Neither of them grew up in stable homes. Neither of them really knew what a “supportive emotional backbone” felt like. Without external support, they became each other’s support, and it started to hurt. Hila, out of a desire not to burden, neglected herself and stopped painting. Yossi, out of a deep sense of loyalty to Hila, distanced himself from his friends.
In the process, I suggested a small task for change: Hila started painting again, Yossi went for a walk with a friend. The goal was to check how they feel in the relationship when they allow themselves to be who they are again. Indeed, something in the connection between them softened. The process allowed them a space for trial and error and a meeting with themselves and the connection without fear of judgment and criticism. Each of them agreed to take responsibility for their part in the feeling of suffocation. They no longer expected the connection to solve their feeling of lack. They began to bring themselves into it – instead of asking the connection to complete what was missing.
When each person brings their full self, not only does the connection change, but the feeling within it also becomes different: less dependence, more space. Less struggle, more reciprocity.
If you grew up in a toxic home, today in adulthood, vulnerability feels and is experienced in the body as danger. Whether you learned to be silent, or got used to not burdening, you learned that you must not bring your full self into a close relationship. However, in a healthy and beneficial relationship, it is precisely the soft and unprotected places that allow closeness.
Roni and Guy (pseudonyms) complained about a feeling of alienation in the relationship. There were no big fights between them, nor external disconnection – but inside, each of them felt alone.
Guy walked around with deep fears about his workplace and was silent. He thought he was protecting Roni. Roni complained of great fatigue. Claimed that everything falls on her shoulders. Roni knew this behavior from her childhood home. Guy knew it from his loneliness. Each played a familiar and worn-out role within themselves.
In therapy, they could let go of the defenses and be in an empathetic and non-judgmental presence: Guy spoke about his fear of being “not enough.” Roni admitted that she misses leaning. Thus, instead of the connection being a chore, it became an opportunity for growth. The knowledge that there is a place where you can be together even when you are not at your best is what brought emotional intimacy closer and deepened it.
The balance between autonomy and intimacy is not a destination you reach, but a dance you learn all your life. Sometimes it limps, sometimes one of you leads, sometimes you both look at each other and ask: How do you do it at all? – It’s okay!
The very fact that you are asking together – is already the beginning of a home.
If you feel like you are trying, touching, recoiling, returning again, and not succeeding alone – don’t rush to give up on the connection. Just give it more space to develop in. I am here to accompany you on this path in a courageous choice to build together a relationship that has both roots and wings.
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For people without a supportive family network.
We will reveal how the lack of a family network challenges and strengthens the couple's relationship, the high prices it exacts from you and your relationship.
Couples therapy will strengthen your sense of security and belonging, so you can be close without losing yourselves along the way.
Online / In-person clinic
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Individual therapy is a safe space where you will rediscover your strengths, build inner confidence, and create a whole and meaningful life for yourself, just as you dream.
Online / In-person clinic
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You are invited to enter a unique space: an interactive conversation with special GPTs I created – a first-of-its-kind tool that looks inward with you in the language and frequency of the systemic constellation.
If there is something unresolved in your relationship, family, or heart – the chat will gently meet you without trying to fix it, inviting a different, slow, precise, and quiet perspective. There is no need to understand, just to see and let it work.
Expert in couples therapy for relationships without a supportive family safety net.
Developer of the Couples Constellation approach: a systemic-emotional therapy that brings the couple’s relational dynamics into contact with unspoken family patterns, alongside practical tools that enable movement, connection, and the creation of a deep partnership.
Let’s start with a brief introductory call, free of charge and commitment.
Sometimes, this small step changes everything.
The sessions take place
online via Zoom / face-to-face in Tivon, according to your choice
