When the relationship gets stuck, we tend to talk about what’s happening between us. But precisely what is not spoken about – pulsates in the body of each of you.
This text is an invitation to stop for a moment, not to blame or fix, but to listen to the two extremes that live in you: man and woman, father and mother, a body that carries a memory that did not start with you – but continues to activate you.
I accompany people and couples who have learned to grow on their own – those who had no one to lean on, and today they seek to live intimacy out of choice and not out of survival.
They bring with them wonderful strengths: independence, sensitivity, responsibility. But even when everything exists – something still does not settle in the heart of the connection.
Not because there is a problem – but because there is a part within them that has not yet been given a place.
Bert Hellinger’s text offers us a different perspective. It does not deal with what is missing, but with how it is possible to reconnect to what already exists: to the father and mother within us, to the body that holds within it the possibility of a complete connection.
It’s not just understanding – it’s a movement.
And when we allow it to happen, something stabilizes in the connection as well. Not because we solved something, but because we met ourselves more fully.
Before reading, I invite you to check – really through the feeling:
Where do you feel more presence in the body – on the father’s side or on the mother’s side?
Which side is quieter? Which one is asking for a place?
And how is this embodied in the couple relationship – without you noticing?
When people turn to help, it is almost always about relationships.
At the heart of every such difficulty lies the dynamic between man and woman.
Where does the fundamental movement between man and woman take place?
The essence of the connection between them already lives within us.
When our parents gave us life, they united in us. In our body they became one.
Thus we became a mixture of mother and father.
This mixture is indivisible.
From the beginning of our existence we carry both of them within us.
And yet, we often behave as if we belong only to one side. As if we are more of a man or more of a woman.
Where does that fundamental movement take place?
In our body.
In each of us live both a father and a mother.
Within us they are one unit.
From the moment life begins, each of us is both a man and a woman.
Sometimes we identify more with one side.
And yet, a man is perfected through a woman and a woman is perfected through a man.
The man seeks the woman because he needs her, and the woman seeks the man because she needs him.
The basic union between man and woman must first take place within us.
Sometimes difficulties and even diseases stem from this internal rift.
Imagine you are standing firmly on two legs.
Try standing on only one leg and you will discover how quickly you will need the second.
Two legs create stability and movement.
They work together so that we can walk.
Imagine that one leg represents masculinity and the other represents femininity.
Both are different and yet need each other.
Their meeting point is in the genitals.
There the masculine and feminine meet.
In relationships it is easy to forget that the movement to the other must also take place within us.
Look at the right hand and the left hand.
Pay attention to the differences.
Combine them.
Allow both sides to be equal.
One side represents the father and one side the mother.
When they meet within us, a union is made possible.
The connection between man and woman is the foundation of life.
Through it life continues.
When a man and a woman fall in love, they do not know what they are getting into. It’s a good thing. Otherwise no one would dare.
The relationship serves life, and to the same extent also death.
Through it we meet both.
Women have a particularly deep connection to life and death.
They experience creation and loss in their bodies.
The feminine within us brings us closer to the essence in which life and death meet.
Guilt plays a significant role in our lives, especially in the face of death.
When we feel guilty we ask to get rid of it.
Atonement becomes a movement against life.
Guilt and atonement do not serve life.
They oppose them.
When a person takes upon himself absolute guilt, he places himself in the place of God, as if he decides on life and death.
Healing comes when we accept things as they are.
Open to life and love.
The issue of abortions also raises questions of guilt, arrogance and forces operating beyond our understanding.
Forces greater than us are operating here.
When we let go of the arrogance of guilt, a direct encounter with life itself is made possible.
Turning to life without atonement. Open to great love.
The masculine and feminine are reflected in our body.
Right and left represent father and mother.
Up and down represent spirit and body.
When one part controls and the other retreats, an imbalance is created.
When everything meets in the heart, wholeness awakens.
When the heart holds the mother and the father, the masculine and the feminine equally, a complete love awakens.
Man and woman live in us.
One inseparable.
When we look at therapists and those engaged in helping professions, an unconscious movement to save the mother is sometimes revealed.
The therapist is not the mother.
He is the son.
When the order is confused, a connection is created that does not allow freedom.
When each one takes his place, healing is made possible.
We are used to thinking that something needs to be fixed in the connection – to talk, to understand, to change behavior.
But sometimes, precisely when love exists, there is a deeper movement within us that seeks recognition:
A part that still does not feel belonging. A side that has not been given a place. A split that still lives in the body.
Hellinger does not offer a method or exercise – he invites us to listen to what already exists.
To meet the father and the mother within us, not as an idea but as a bodily experience.
When we stop managing the connection and start stabilizing within ourselves – something softens between us as well.
You can read these words with your eyes, or you can close them for a moment.
To feel:
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For people without a supportive family network.
We will reveal how the lack of a family network challenges and strengthens the couple's relationship, the high prices it exacts from you and your relationship.
Couples therapy will strengthen your sense of security and belonging, so you can be close without losing yourselves along the way.
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You are invited to enter a unique space: an interactive conversation with special GPTs I created – a first-of-its-kind tool that looks inward with you in the language and frequency of the systemic constellation.
If there is something unresolved in your relationship, family, or heart – the chat will gently meet you without trying to fix it, inviting a different, slow, precise, and quiet perspective. There is no need to understand, just to see and let it work.
Expert in couples therapy for relationships without a supportive family safety net.
Developer of the Couples Constellation approach: a systemic-emotional therapy that brings the couple’s relational dynamics into contact with unspoken family patterns, alongside practical tools that enable movement, connection, and the creation of a deep partnership.
Let’s start with a brief introductory call, free of charge and commitment.
Sometimes, this small step changes everything.
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