Understanding the Holocaust’s impact helps us connect with a shared history that still shapes us today, fostering a sense of collective importance.
Its effects are revealed in the long term,
scattered in space and time, in the form of radioactive fallout.” – Yolanda Gampel
If you’ve ever felt that you’re reacting strongly to something small, or that you’re judging yourself for a pattern that repeats itself, it may be a memory that isn’t yours. This is the heart of intergenerational transmission: emotions, fears, and patterns that pass to us not only through education, but also through silences, glances, and the emotional fragility of the generations that preceded us.
In this article, I would like to introduce you to the world of Prof. Yolanda Gampel, a fascinating Israeli psychoanalyst whose work sheds light on how personal trauma and collective memory influence us, helping readers understand the emotional roots of intergenerational trauma.
Intergenerational transmission refers to the process by which behaviors, attitudes, traumas, and relationship patterns are passed down from one generation to the next. This concept extends beyond genetic inheritance to encompass psychological and social legacies that shape an individual’s personality, life choices, and emotional well-being. At the heart of intergenerational transmission lies the understanding that parents and caregivers are the primary models for their children, who, in turn, internalize and replicate these learned behaviors and emotional responses in their adult lives and parenting styles.
The meaning of this transmission process is profound and encompasses not only positive traits and resilience but also the transmission of trauma, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship patterns. Such patterns include communication styles, coping mechanisms, and the way people connect with others.
Understanding the mechanics of how these elements are passed down from generation to generation is critical to identifying the roots of certain behaviors and initiating healing and change.
Gampel’s approach stands out for its deep dive into the emotional and relational aspects of this process, emphasizing that transmission is not just a replication of behaviors but also involves the transfer of traumas, fears, and unresolved emotional states from one generation to the next. Gampel suggests that these elements, often originating in childhood experiences or traumatic events of the parents themselves, become part of the family’s emotional DNA and influence the upbringing and emotional development of the next generation.
At the center of Gampel’s analysis is the concept of “hidden loyalties” – unspoken agreements within a family system that can create a sense of belonging and understanding, even amid dysfunction. Recognizing these loyalties can help your audience feel less alone in their experiences.
Gampel emphasizes the importance of awareness and recognition of these transmitted patterns to inspire hope and motivate change. By understanding the source of their behaviors and emotional responses, people can begin to disconnect themselves from the legacy of past traumas and pave the way for healthier relationships and parenting styles.
Gampel’s approach offers a hopeful perspective and emphasizes the potential to break cycles of dysfunction and create a positive legacy for future generations.
It’s not just the transfer of genetic traits or family heirlooms. It is the transfer of an emotional story – sometimes conscious, and sometimes so hidden that it is felt only as a kind of internal heaviness, overreaction, or a feeling of loneliness whose origin is unclear.
Children absorb not only what is said to them, but also what is not said. The sadness that the parent did not give words to, the fear that hid beneath restraint, the quiet loyalty to figures who suffered – even if they did not know them. This is the material from which our emotional lives are woven.
In her book “The Parents Who Live Through Me”, Gampel presents the concept of “hidden loyalties”: a kind of unwritten contract in which we carry the pain or trauma of our parents and grandparents, out of an unconscious desire to maintain contact, repair, or compensate.
She describes how unresolved traumas such as the Holocaust, wars, loss, or abandonment – become stories that come to life in the next generation.
Not through words, but through silences, avoidances, and repetition of patterns. Sometimes we react to a current event with disproportionate intensity because the emotion that is opened belongs to a previous generation.
I, too, know this feeling well – to be loyal to a story that I may never have chosen, but that chose me. Only when I could look at it with love, without continuing to live it, did the healing begin for me.
Gampel points out that we don’t just learn the behaviors of our parents – we internalize them as if they were our own.
Through experience, the body and mind learn: this is how we keep silent, this is how we survive, this is how we don’t feel.
This loyalty can manifest in a variety of ways:
Overly symbiotic relationships between parent and child
Existential fear of abandonment, even within a secure relationship
An excessive need for control, whose role is to hold the emotions that the parent cannot bear
A vague sense of identity: where do I end and my family begins?
Gampel emphasizes the importance of awareness. To begin healing, consider practices like journaling, therapy, or mindfulness to understand your reactions and create space for change. These steps make the process feel more accessible and empowering.
Before you continue reading, take a moment to breathe.
Place your feet on the floor.
Notice – how does your body react when we talk about pain that has passed from generation to generation?
Is there a contraction, a rising pulse, a feeling of distance? Or maybe softness?
There is no need to change anything. Just feel.
Healing begins when we are willing to stay in the body – even when it is not pleasant.
Here comes the angle of the family constellation, which makes it possible to illuminate the broad picture of the system, to see who we are carrying, to whom we are loyal, and what price we are paying for it.
Sometimes the desire not to be like our parents can turn into a different kind of loyalty.
Without realizing it, we build our lives as a constant reaction to the past rather than as a free movement from within us.
Healing happens when we stop negotiating with the past and start asking questions of life:
Some may fear that exploring intergenerational trauma will cause pain or guilt, like the sentence ‘If I am free, someone will be left behind.’ Recognizing and gently working through these fears can help you move toward healing without feeling overwhelmed. This can spark curiosity and foster a gentle sense of self-awareness in your audience. In the shadow of intergenerational trauma: “If I am free, someone will be left behind”.
Sometimes it is a deep feeling of guilt towards those who did not survive, towards those who remained broken. Sometimes it is an unconscious aversion to pleasure, to delight, to intimacy. If I am in a different place, maybe I will disconnect/ maybe I will betray/ maybe I will lose my belonging.
Only when we dare to listen to this sentence to the end, does it begin to break down.
Not because we reject the past – but because we stop living only from within it. Then, in a slow movement, a new possibility opens up: to belong – without continuing to pay.
Here are some questions to start with:
What family story do you feel is living through you?
What is the feeling that you carry from a young age, that may not have started with you?
What will happen if you choose to let go of this emotion – will something be shaken? Will something be cleared?
Who or what will feel betrayed if you allow yourself to live differently?
It is possible to release the previous generations – with love
One of the strongest things about Gampel’s approach is hope. She does not come to expose wounds for the sake of pain, but to heal. This focus on hope can inspire you to believe in the possibility of feeling worthy of your life – not as an extension of suffering, but as a continuation of love.
If you find yourself touching here on the edge of an old pain, remember that healing is a gentle process, and shedding new light can bring peace and love.
+
For people without a supportive family network.
We will reveal how the lack of a family network challenges and strengthens the couple's relationship, the high prices it exacts from you and your relationship.
Couples therapy will strengthen your sense of security and belonging, so you can be close without losing yourselves along the way.
Online / In-person clinic
+
Individual therapy is a safe space where you will rediscover your strengths, build inner confidence, and create a whole and meaningful life for yourself, just as you dream.
Online / In-person clinic
+
You are invited to enter a unique space: an interactive conversation with special GPTs I created – a first-of-its-kind tool that looks inward with you in the language and frequency of the systemic constellation.
If there is something unresolved in your relationship, family, or heart – the chat will gently meet you without trying to fix it, inviting a different, slow, precise, and quiet perspective. There is no need to understand, just to see and let it work.
Expert in couples therapy for relationships without a supportive family safety net.
Developer of the Couples Constellation approach: a systemic-emotional therapy that brings the couple’s relational dynamics into contact with unspoken family patterns, alongside practical tools that enable movement, connection, and the creation of a deep partnership.
Let’s start with a brief introductory call, free of charge and commitment.
Sometimes, this small step changes everything.
The sessions take place
online via Zoom / face-to-face in Tivon, according to your choice
