I am a mother to a teenage son, a classic teenager with all the noise, mess, and boundary testing that come with this age, but with one difference. My teenager hugs. He hugs his father and me. He asks for a hug on his own initiative.
Admit that this is not exactly a characteristic of teenage boys.
What is it about this physical gesture, so common, that moves me to the depths of my soul?
It is mainly the deep knowledge that I have succeeded in acquiring.
I managed to save my relationship with my child.
The child who, until about a year and a half ago, did not want to come near me, ran away from my touch, and I from him.
Every hug between us reminds me that, amid the turmoil of adolescence, we love each other, and we both need the hugging touch.
The change did not happen in an instant. It happened in a slow process of restoring the relationship between us.
What propelled us to where we are today was the hug therapy.
The psychotherapist Virginia Satir, who is considered the mother of family therapy, said:
We need 4 hugs a day to survive.
We need 8 hugs a day to live properly.
We need 12 hugs a day to grow.
Many studies point to the benefits of hugging as a healing power for the body and mind. In twenty seconds of hugging, the brain secretes oxytocin, the love hormone, which strengthens trust, reduces fear and aggression, relieves pain, and creates a feeling of comfort. At the same time, stress hormones decrease, and the body relaxes.
A hug is not just an emotion. A hug is a deep biological intervention.
In the sixties, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh developed hug meditation.
The idea is simple: a hug is not just a touch;
It is a presence.
The child’s body immediately feels if you are really there, or just performing a parental action.
Hug meditation helps turn the hug from a moment of struggle or embarrassment into a moment of regulation, belonging, and security.
In a conscious hug, attention drops from the head to the body.
Breathing becomes slower. Pressure in the chest softens. Muscles in the jaw and shoulders release.
Within this micro-change, something deep happens: the teenager’s nervous system receives a signal of safety. Even if there is a storm inside, the body hears a sentence without words: “You are allowed to let go here. I am big enough to hold.”
Touch without presence may feel intrusive, especially in adolescence.
Touch with presence feels like a clear and warm boundary.
This is exactly the difference between a hug that annoys and a hug that heals.
A short start does the trick. A good suggestion: decide in advance that hug time is not talk time, not investigation time, not education time. It’s body time.
During the hug, pay attention to only three things: breathing, touch, and the weight of the child’s body leaning. The moment the mind runs to a story, return to breathing.
Internal sentences can help. These are not sentences that are said aloud, but sentences that hold intention in the heart.
Inhale: I am here with you.
Exhale: You are safe with me.
Inhale: You are my child.
Exhale: I remain stable.
The teenager does not need to hear the words to feel the stability. His body feels it through the rhythm, through the hands, through the way you remain present even when resistance arises.
Reactions such as laughter, cynicism, stiffening, or frozen stance are sometimes the body’s way of dealing with closeness. In adolescence, closeness can feel dangerous, even when it is desired. Rather than fixing it, let’s hold it.
Holding means staying quiet, breathing, and continuing without pushing. His body is checking if you are frightened of him. The moment you remain stable, something begins to soften on its own.
The end of the hug can be simple.
One ending question is enough, only if it fits: “How was it for you in the body?”
Sometimes silence is preferable.
Sometimes one word is preferable.
The principle is constant: less talk, more presence.
At this age, a natural separation occurs. The teenager builds identity and separation. At the same time, his nervous system is more turbulent, with higher sensitivity to criticism and instability. A conscious hug does not cancel his need to distance himself; it gives him a base from which he can do so while remaining connected. A connection that you can leave and return to.
Here, the hug becomes an anchor.
A physical anchor that restores a sense of home, even when there are no words, even when there is no desire to talk, even when there is a lot of noise around.
It may seem very light, but it is a challenging and even painful process. Remember your goal, and that will give you the strength to continue and persevere.
Be there for each other as a couple after the hug with your offspring. Share the experience, then switch roles the next day.
Persist daily for a month – just one month, and you will see that your relationship – as a couple and as parents – will strengthen and improve significantly.
And all thanks to a hug.
In my house, we call such a hug “Power Hug”; this is the name my son gave to the hug therapy because that is what this type of hug gives him – when he is hugged in my arms, he feels that he is receiving power from the mothers of my mothers throughout his lineage.
There are days when he feels like a pressure cooker about to explode. Then he asks me in one simple sentence, “Mom, I need a power hug,” or I offer him, “Do you need a power hug?” and we both nod and hug, until the stress dissipates, until the body relaxes and surrenders to my enveloping hug.
Sometimes he turns his head to me and says, “Thank you, that’s enough,“ and sometimes he falls asleep.
Either way, from the moment my teenage boy internalized the benefits of hug therapy, a whole world of other types of hugs opened up between us:
A cuddle hug in front of the TV screen, a good morning hug with a fleeting kiss on the cheek, a side hug with one arm that says “Wow, Mom, you’re actually okay, you”…
When all these come alongside the noise, ringing, and mess in his room, I also experience his adolescence with more air to breathe…
And sometimes, when he tests boundaries with me to the point that I become a pressure cooker myself, I remind myself of the two mantras I have with him from the hug time, and that he may be doing it to get a hug.
Expert in couples therapy for relationships without a supportive family safety net.
Developer of the Couples Constellation approach: a systemic-emotional therapy that brings the couple’s relational dynamics into contact with unspoken family patterns, alongside practical tools that enable movement, connection, and the creation of a deep partnership.
+
For people without a supportive family network.
We will reveal how the lack of a family network challenges and strengthens the couple's relationship, the high prices it exacts from you and your relationship.
Couples therapy will strengthen your sense of security and belonging, so you can be close without losing yourselves along the way.
Online / In-person clinic
+
Individual therapy is a safe space where you will rediscover your strengths, build inner confidence, and create a whole and meaningful life for yourself, just as you dream.
Online / In-person clinic
+
You are invited to enter a unique space: an interactive conversation with special GPTs I created – a first-of-its-kind tool that looks inward with you in the language and frequency of the systemic constellation.
If there is something unresolved in your relationship, family, or heart – the chat will gently meet you without trying to fix it, inviting a different, slow, precise, and quiet perspective. There is no need to understand, just to see and let it work.
Let’s start with a brief introductory call, free of charge and commitment.
Sometimes, this small step changes everything.
The sessions take place
online via Zoom / face-to-face in Tivon, according to your choice
