The family has expanded, and the triangles are here again: How do family triangles affect parenting and relationships after childbirth?

As the family expands, so do the triangles.

The birth of a child is like a tidal wave: it brings with it feelings of happiness and joy, but it can also bring up old patterns of anxiety, insecurity, and conflict. This is when the family triangles from the past begin to resurface and affect the way we manage our relationships and parenting. In this article, we will delve deeper into the connection between family triangles and postnatal couple and parenting dynamics, and learn how to release the adverse effects of the triangles to create a balanced, supportive, and loving parenting and relationship experience.

It's a common experience: how do family triangles govern us after birth?

Family triangles affect our parenting in three key ways, subconsciously directing our behavior, thoughts, and reactions toward our spouse and children.

3 ways in which family triangles affect parenting and relationships:

1. Transferring conflict to the parental space

   
   

2. Competition for the role of the better parent

   
   

3. Total dedication to parenting at the expense of our relationship

Dana and Roy's Story: Their Family Triangles and Parenting

Dana and Roy, a couple who became parents to twins two years ago, found themselves in a challenging situation. Dana, excited about parenthood, began to neglect their relationship, believing that investing all her time in children was the 'right' way to be a mother, as she had learned from her own mother. Roy, on the other hand, felt increasingly distant from Dana, feeling like he had become a 'supporting actor' within their family. This situation is a common example of how family triangles can affect parenting and relationships.

During therapy, Dana and Roy discovered that each of them brought family triangles from their past into their relationship. Dana learned to ignore her marital needs in order to please her mother, who was always preoccupied with her affairs. Roy grew up in a family where his father was distant and emotionally unavailable, causing him to distance himself when he felt he wasn't receiving enough attention.

Once Dana and Roy understood how family triangles affected their parenting and relationship, they were able to begin releasing the patterns and invest time and energy in communication and intimacy within their relationship. Their story is a testament to the transformative power of understanding and addressing family triangles.

How can you release the family triangles and build a true parental and marital partnership?

Here are the first three steps that will help you create a balanced and supportive parenting and relationship:

1. Get to know the origins of your family triangles:

Sit down together and talk about how your past patterns of family triangles may be affecting the way you behave as parents and as a couple. Awareness is the first step to releasing these patterns.

2. Make time for your relationship:

Don't let parenting keep you away from your relationship. Set aside regular time for couple activities—even if it just means sitting down together and talking about your day after the kids are asleep. Commit to it just as you commit to time with your kids.

3. Mutual support in parenting and relationships:

Remember that you are a team, not adversaries. Instead of focusing on what your partner is not doing well, look for ways you can support each other. Share your feelings honestly, and ask, "How can I support you today?"

So, how do we break free from family triangles and foster balanced parenting and relationships?Change is possible. With awareness and commitment, we can establish a parenting and relationship partnership founded on authentic connection, mutual understanding, and love.

Family triangles can become a barrier that prevents us from experiencing balanced, supportive, and loving relationships with our family members. However, once we acknowledge them and release their effects, we can establish a parenting and relationship partnership founded on genuine love. However, once we recognize them and release their hold, we can establish a parenting and relationship partnership founded on authentic connection, mutual understanding, and love.

Suppose you believe that family triangles are impacting the way you manage your parenting and relationships.

In that case, I invite you to join me at my clinic, where we can work together to release these patterns and establish a new, healthier partnership for parenting and relationships.

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Sivan Avni – Couples therapy.

Getting closer again, supporting love, strengthening the bond.