Releasing the past: How to create a new relationship free from the patterns of family triangles?

Are you ready to create a new relationship?

In previous articles in the series, we explored the effects of family triangles on our relationships. Family triangles are a concept in family systems theory that refers to the three-person relationship patterns that often form within families. These triangles can manage conflicts, block intimacy, influence decision-making, and reproduce past patterns in our relationships. Every one of us carries within us family baggage, patterns that have been etched in us over the years, and they continue to influence us, even as we live our lives as adults.

Now is the time for change, the time to choose anew and create a relationship that reflects our genuine desire. This relationship is freed from the shackles of the past and is based on connection, awareness, and authenticity. In this article, I offer ways, insights, and practices for creating a new and liberated relationship, allowing you to connect with your partner from a place of free choice, compassion, and true love.

How to Break Free from Family Triangle Patterns and Create a New Relationship?

The first step toward freedom is awareness.

Our ability to recognize the patterns that govern us, particularly those that mirror our childhood dynamics, is the key to unlocking our power to change. This awareness empowers us to shape our relationships to align with our true desires.

Once we understand how family triangles have shaped us, we can begin to unravel them and open ourselves to a relationship that reflects who we truly are.

Dana and Itay Created a New, Liberated Relationship – A Story from the Clinic

Dana and Itay came to me for couples therapy, integrating Family Constellation work, differentiation, and worthiness, after years of feeling stuck in repetitive patterns. They described going in circles—same fights, same frustrations—without getting closer.

As we explored their story, it became clear that Dana's mother used her as a go-between in conflicts with her father. On the other hand, Itay grew up in a family where every decision had to be approved by his grandparents.

Using the tools of Family Constellation therapy, they began to see how they were unconsciously repeating these dynamics—Dana longed for attention and to feel like “the cherished little girl.” At the same time, Itay constantly sought validation from his parents before making decisions with Dana.

With this newfound awareness, Dana and Itay practiced four core principles for building a new, liberated relationship. When applied with dedication, these principles have the power to transform your relationship, fostering connection, intimacy, and cooperation on a level you may have never known.

3 Practices for Creating a New Relationship, Free from the Past:

Step 1 – Write Your “Couple Covenant.” Sit down together and create a short written document describing your new relationship commitment. Reflect on questions like: What values are important to us? How do we commit to supporting one another? What boundaries do we want to establish to protect our connection?

Step 2 – Practice Personal and Shared Space Over a week, each of you should carve out intentional alone time to do something that fills you up, just for you. At the end of the week, come together and share what you experienced and how it strengthened your sense of self.

Step 3 – Practice “Honesty and Vulnerability” Time Take time to share a moment when you felt vulnerable or afraid in your relationship, past or present. Listen to each other without fixing or judging. Just be present. Ask gentle, curious questions like: “Tell me more about that…”

So, how can you create a new, authentic relationship—free from the past?

The answer is within your reach. You can break free from inherited patterns and build a bond that reflects your true self. This is not just a possibility but a promise of a brighter, more authentic relationship.

Your relationship can become a sacred space where you get to choose again. It’s a space to break free from inherited patterns and build a bond that reflects your true self.

This is a path of awareness, honesty, and self-acceptance—a path that allows you to grow together, reconnect, and build a love rooted in freedom, authenticity, and joy.

If you feel it’s time to create your new relationship, I invite you to join me at my online clinic & in Kiryat Tivon. Together, we’ll walk a path of transformation, healing, and renewed connection.

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🪬🪬🧄🧅Sivan Avni - Systemic Process-Oriented Couple Constellation