How to regain our sense of worth after a toxic relationship

A toxic relationship can significantly damage our sense of self-worth, leaving behind emotional scars. The criticism and disrespect we endure can shake our sense of security, leading us to question our own value. In this article, we will delve into the profound impact of toxic relationships on our self-worth and provide guidance on how to rebuild it from a foundation of self-love, inner strength, and self-respect.

Why is the sense of worth damaged after a toxic relationship?

Internalizing continuous criticism

In toxic relationships, the continuous criticism or hurtful comments from our partners can make us believe that our worth is determined by others' perceptions. This repeated criticism can seep into our self-perception. For instance, Michal, who was constantly compared unfavorably to family and friends, began to feel perpetually 'less good' and internalized the criticism she received.

Feeling of helplessness and loss of control

In toxic relationships, we may feel like we have no control over our lives or our emotions. The consequences of such a dynamic can lead to a loss of self-esteem and a reliance on external validation. These feelings create emotional dependence on others and weaken our connection to our inner strengths.

Identifying with feelings of guilt and self-criticism

A toxic relationship can create identification with feelings of guilt, making us hard on ourselves. The guilt directed at us can lead to recurring thoughts of "I'm not good enough" or "Maybe I should have changed to make the relationship work."

How do we regain our sense of value?

Recognize and release burdensome beliefs.

To reclaim our sense of self-worth, the first step is to identify the beliefs that took root as a result of the relationship. Ask yourself: “Do I believe my worth depends on others’ opinions?” or “Do I see myself through the lens of the criticism I received?” Recognizing that these beliefs are tied to past experiences can help release their hold on us.

Practicing self-esteem – seeing the good in ourselves anew

The path to strengthening self-worth begins with the ability to re-acknowledge the goodness and strengths within us. You can start by practicing positive affirmations daily, such as:

• "I am worthy of appreciation and respect just as I am."

• "I bring uniqueness and positive qualities into the world."

Setting personal boundaries – protecting our emotional space

In healthy relationships, personal boundaries allow us to feel in control and secure. To rebuild our sense of worth, it's essential to learn to set and maintain healthy personal boundaries. These boundaries protect our emotional space, ensuring that we are respected and not undermined, thereby strengthening our self-worth.

Creating internal anchors for self-esteem

Instead of seeking external validation, begin building anchors of self-confidence and self-esteem from within. For example, you could practice writing down three things you appreciate about yourself every night or small daily successes. Over time, you will come to see yourself as the central anchor for your sense of worth, rather than relying on others to validate your self-worth.

How to start strengthening self-esteem?

To begin rebuilding your self-worth, start by writing down a list of the skills, hobbies, and values you value about yourself. Pay attention to your unique qualities and the strengths you have discovered over the years. Over time, you will feel your inner connection grow and strengthen.

F.A.Q.: Answers to Strengthen Self-Esteem

• How can I change the belief that I am not good enough after a toxic relationship?

It's a gradual process where you learn to see yourself through new eyes. It's essential to remind yourself that you are worthy and have something to offer the world, even if your last relationship has left you shaken.

• What can I do if I constantly feel guilty or inadequate?

Start practicing self-esteem and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. You can also start writing down these feelings in a personal journal and looking back at them to separate the beliefs you have internalized about the relationship from who you really are.

• How to feel more confident even without external approval?

You can strengthen your self-confidence through internal anchors – activities, hobbies, and self-esteem based on your personal strengths.

Summary – Rebuild your sense of worth through self-confidence and self-love

Like a tree that is girded to grow again, you, too, can strengthen yourself after the crisis and turn what was damaged into a place for renewed growth.

The journey to regaining a sense of worth after a toxic relationship is a process of inner strength, setting boundaries, and self-love. It's a journey that may have its challenges, but it's filled with hope and determination. When we learn to see ourselves anew, without the influence of external criticism, we can develop an inner experience of worth that accompanies us and fills our lives with a sense of security and self-esteem.

If you feel that the relationship has damaged your sense of self-worth, I invite you to a therapeutic process. Together, we can identify the limiting beliefs, examine what this residue has left in you, and build a strong sense of inner appreciation. This is a journey that will strengthen you and help you reconnect with who you are, allowing you to return to living with a sense of value and inner security.

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🪬🪬🧄🧅Sivan Avni - Systemic Process-Oriented Couple Constellation